The Unwritten Rules

[now in Written form, for your convenience]

This is a list which is long overdue. It will be added to approximately whenever I think of a new thing. Also feel free to send in a comment if you have a rule to add to the list!

 

Unwritten Rules, The:

  • ALWAYS notice AND comment on someone’s haircut
    • even if their hair looks exactly the same as it always does, and you never look at other people anyway
  • When someone asks “How are you?” it is acceptable to respond with one of the following:
    • good
    • fine
    • ok
    • not bad
    • hey! how are you?
  • It is NOT acceptable to respond with
    • terrible
    • who the hell are you?
    • can’t you tell, dumbo?
    • I am currently experiencing an emotional crisis
    • ogga-booga-booga

note: thankfully, this norm is breaking the in Pacific Northwest. I now consistently tell people that I’m doing terribly, and have been met with some very positive responses.

  • Do NOT tell someone you’ve never met that they are damaging their child for life, even if they are damaging their child for life
  • Do not play the guitar after 10:15pm, the Saxophone after 11:30pm, or the drums after 1:30am
  • If you are in a boring meeting, it is unacceptable to throw paper clips into the air as a distraction and escape out the window.
    • It is appropriate, however, to fall asleep at the table, but ONLY IF you bring your own blanket and pillow.
  • Do not roll around on the sidewalk in front of your house or eat grass to see what it tastes like
    • And why not, exactly?? There’s no good reason.

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