A Sensible Life, Part I: Career Comparisons

12 Peter and Wendy - F D Bedford - 1911Lately I’ve been obsessed with becoming a “real grown-up” and choosing a career. But not just any career…a SENSIBLE career. One which has at least a 50% chance of leading to a “job-thingy.”

Should you be in a similar (sinking) boat, I’ve rated the following careers for your convenience.

I’ve personally considered all of these careers with relative seriousness.

Each job has been rated under the following categories:

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling)
  • Job Security
  • Job Respect (When you tell people what you do, do they say “Oh,” in that unsure, disappointed way or in that I get you, you’re a reasonable person who doesn’t take chances and I appreciate that sort of way?)
  • $$$
  • Glamour Factor
  • I Wanna Do That

The rating scale is from 0-100, with 0 being “this job has none of it” and 100 being “this job has it all, and I am a god of this earth!”

Jobs up for Consideration:

Therapist

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 81
  • Job Security: 82
  • Job Respect
    • If you wear glasses: 88
    • If you don’t wear glasses: 80
  • $$$: 78
    • Having seen a number of therapists throughout my life, I’m aware that they have a very respectable hourly wage. So respectable, in fact, I’d rather be a train wreck than pay it.
  • Glamour Factor: 66
  • I Wanna Do That: 66

Park Ranger

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 65
  • Job Security: No idea. I’ll say 64
  • Job Respect: 67
  • $$$: 38
  • Glamour Factor
    • For hippies: 78
    • For everyone else: 44
  • I Wanna Do That: 68

Lawyer lawyer-ruling.Billion_Photos.shutterstock-370x242

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 77
  • Job Security: 76
  • Job Respect: 96
  • $$$
    • As a Public Defender: 33
    • As one of those lawyers like you see on fancy detective shows: 100
  • Glamour Factor: 100
    • When you’re working the long hours and you can’t pick out which children are yours on the playground: 66
  • I Wanna Do That: No.

b88526235z1_20170110165215_000glbfdljq2-0-f90cirm0ctmucdtpjn2_ct677x380Mortician

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 89
  • Job Security: 94 (It’s a reasonable certainty that people will continue to die, no matter how long it takes me to complete my schooling)
  • Job Respect: 88 (“Sensible. Very sensible.”)
  • $$$: 63
  • Glamour Factor: 100
  • I Wanna Do That
    • Before I realized that most of the job was putting gaudy makeup on corpses and comforting whiny relatives: 99
    • After I realized: 44

Screenwriter

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 7
  • Job Security: 4
  • Job Respect
    • Movies that break the box office: 100
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 9
  • $$$
    • Movies that break the box office: 78
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 9
  • Glamour Factor: 96
  • I Wanna Do That: 92

Film/TV Director

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 7
  • Job Security: 7
  • Job Respect
    • Movies that break the box office: 100
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 12
  • $$$
    • Movies that break the box office: 87
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 6
  • Glamour Factor: 99
  • I Wanna Do That: 93

Whiskey_Fragrance_OilProfessional Alcoholic

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 100
  • Job Security: 100
  • Job Respect: 1
  • $$$: 0
  • Glamour Factor: 50
  • I Wanna Do That: 97

 

 

 

And so, we add up the scores of the choices above, and it seems I will be becoming…a broke blogger.

I knew it.

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