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A Sensible Life, Part II: School for Therapy

I recently decided to go to school for therapy. By that I mean: go to school to become a therapist, not use school as a form of therapy.

It was a mostly logic-based decision as far as a career was concerned. I’ve always had interest in psychology, (and much more recent interest in helping people), so my choice wasn’t completely out of left field.

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On a separate note, I was recently struck with an idea for a short story:

The main character is a therapist, who gives up on his creative dreams. Soon he finds himself—day in and day out—tasked with supporting others to follow their dreams instead of settling for second-best.

At first, it’s rewarding. But then it becomes too much…. And any client of his who decides to pursue their dreams, come what may, tragically gets murdered and stored under the therapist’s floorboards.

***

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Who can say where ideas come from? Sometimes inspiration hits at the strangest times. I may find the time to write this story while I’m applying to graduate school, or I may not. At least I know where my priorities lie.

P.S. The TWIST at the end of the story is that the therapist’s office was on the third floor, and he’s been dropping bodies onto the person beneath him for years.

Not very considerate.

A Sensible Life, Part I: Career Comparisons

12 Peter and Wendy - F D Bedford - 1911Lately I’ve been obsessed with becoming a “real grown-up” and choosing a career. But not just any career…a SENSIBLE career. One which has at least a 50% chance of leading to a “job-thingy.”

Should you be in a similar (sinking) boat, I’ve rated the following careers for your convenience.

I’ve personally considered all of these careers with relative seriousness.

Each job has been rated under the following categories:

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling)
  • Job Security
  • Job Respect (When you tell people what you do, do they say “Oh,” in that unsure, disappointed way or in that I get you, you’re a reasonable person who doesn’t take chances and I appreciate that sort of way?)
  • $$$
  • Glamour Factor
  • I Wanna Do That

The rating scale is from 0-100, with 0 being “this job has none of it” and 100 being “this job has it all, and I am a god of this earth!”

Jobs up for Consideration:

Therapist

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 81
  • Job Security: 82
  • Job Respect
    • If you wear glasses: 88
    • If you don’t wear glasses: 80
  • $$$: 78
    • Having seen a number of therapists throughout my life, I’m aware that they have a very respectable hourly wage. So respectable, in fact, I’d rather be a train wreck than pay it.
  • Glamour Factor: 66
  • I Wanna Do That: 66

Park Ranger

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 65
  • Job Security: No idea. I’ll say 64
  • Job Respect: 67
  • $$$: 38
  • Glamour Factor
    • For hippies: 78
    • For everyone else: 44
  • I Wanna Do That: 68

Lawyer lawyer-ruling.Billion_Photos.shutterstock-370x242

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 77
  • Job Security: 76
  • Job Respect: 96
  • $$$
    • As a Public Defender: 33
    • As one of those lawyers like you see on fancy detective shows: 100
  • Glamour Factor: 100
    • When you’re working the long hours and you can’t pick out which children are yours on the playground: 66
  • I Wanna Do That: No.

b88526235z1_20170110165215_000glbfdljq2-0-f90cirm0ctmucdtpjn2_ct677x380Mortician

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 89
  • Job Security: 94 (It’s a reasonable certainty that people will continue to die, no matter how long it takes me to complete my schooling)
  • Job Respect: 88 (“Sensible. Very sensible.”)
  • $$$: 63
  • Glamour Factor: 100
  • I Wanna Do That
    • Before I realized that most of the job was putting gaudy makeup on corpses and comforting whiny relatives: 99
    • After I realized: 44

Screenwriter

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 7
  • Job Security: 4
  • Job Respect
    • Movies that break the box office: 100
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 9
  • $$$
    • Movies that break the box office: 78
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 9
  • Glamour Factor: 96
  • I Wanna Do That: 92

Film/TV Director

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 7
  • Job Security: 7
  • Job Respect
    • Movies that break the box office: 100
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 12
  • $$$
    • Movies that break the box office: 87
    • Movies no one’s ever heard of: 6
  • Glamour Factor: 99
  • I Wanna Do That: 93

Whiskey_Fragrance_OilProfessional Alcoholic

  • Job Guarantee (after schooling): 100
  • Job Security: 100
  • Job Respect: 1
  • $$$: 0
  • Glamour Factor: 50
  • I Wanna Do That: 97

 

 

 

And so, we add up the scores of the choices above, and it seems I will be becoming…a broke blogger.

I knew it.

The Magical Solution to Everything

And that’s when I realized: If I wanted to survive, I was going to have to do something drastic.

I was going to have to…lower my standards.

Now, for some people, this is not a good idea. Some people need to raise their standards. But if you’re anything like me, your standards are impossibly high and anxiety-producing.

Nothing I do is ever good enough. I make lists upon lists of things I have to do, but I practically have to force myself into making a list of things that I have accomplished or that I’m proud of.

Part of the reason for this is because my hand already hurts from writing and I would rather relax than make another bloody list. On the one hand, it makes sense. But on the other, if I actually do take the time to reflect on what I’ve done and the incredible amounts of time and effort it took, it really is impressive.

Do I find it impressive? No. I just keep thinking that I could have done it faster or better. I dwell on what I didn’t do, or how other people are doing what I’m doing much better.

…but lowering my standards? When your standard is perfection, you’ve got nowhere to go but down. And when you finally take one baby step down, things start looking up.

I believe this “lowering of standards ©” can work in practically every aspect of life: exercise, personal hygiene, what have you…

So feel free to be amazingly inspired by this post. I could write more, but I think this is good enough, don’t you?

Marry Me

I’ve been thinking for quite some time now what career path I should take. And I think I’ve finally cracked it:

I’ve always wanted to go into a creative field, but held myself back because it wasn’t ‘practical.’ I need safety. I need security. And the arts, um…don’t give you that.

That’s why I’ve decided the obvious answer is to marry somebody either up-and-coming as a doctor or lawyer, or someone who’s already super rich.

“Gold digger” has such negative connotations…but yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

I’m not picky, though. I’d settle for a producer at a major production company or maybe a movie star. Someone who loves me for me and also doesn’t mind me doing exactly as I please while they support me.

So if anyone knows a human-person who matches this description and is looking for a not-so-attractive, depressive type who doesn’t like to socialize or have sex, tell them to call me.

The Final Bow:

Sometimes you don’t exit on a high note:

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To quote from Monty Python:

“Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ’em laughin’ as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!”

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part XII]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark and Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing, they always ate scones together on Saturdays. Unfortunately, this particular scone was stale and had a slightly bitter aftertaste. What’s more, Anthony reMARKed on how the whipped cream on his hot chocolate tasted like the milk was just slightly overdone.

 

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