My Hero

Watching TV can be very productive. For example, on while taking in Jeopardy the other day, I learned about Arthur Schopenhauer, the ‘Philosopher of Pessimism.’

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I don’t believe in reincarnation, but if I did, I would think that he was me in a previous life. I’ve never felt so down-trodden and inspired at the same time.

I’ve tried radically changing my personality in order to enjoy life a bit more, but surprisingly that failed. My latest technique is to go full throttle into my negative, pessimistic attitude yet try to enjoy and be delighted by such depressing things.

“Unless suffering is the direct and immediate object of life, our existence must entirely fail of its aim. It is absurd to look upon the enormous amount of pain that abounds everywhere in the world, and originates in needs and necessities inseparable from life itself, as serving no purpose at all and the result of mere chance. Each separate misfortune, as it comes, seems, no doubt, to be something exceptional; but misfortune in general is the rule.”

-Arthur Schopenhauer, On the Sufferings of the World

 

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part XI]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

“Mark,” said Anthony, “Why do I feel so alone?”

“Beats me,” said Mark, “I feel fine.”

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part X]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

“Anthony?” said Mark, “Are you dead?”

“Yes,” said Anthony, “But it’s alright. I live…in you.”

“But Anthony,” said Mark, “I’m dead.”

“That’s ok,” said Anthony, “You live on…in me.”

“But Anthony,” and Mark, “We can’t both live on if we’re both dead. And living on only counts if someone alive remembers you.”

“Well, that just doesn’t sound right,” said Anthony.

If I just…

This is a conundrum of mine. I’m always convinced that if just one thing in my life were different, then I would be happy. Ok, so sometimes there are a lot of things, but there’s usually one BIG thing. Something you’re stuck on.

And I know this system doesn’t work, because I have repeatedly achieved (or been handed on a silver platter) the thing I was desiring, and for some reason, it hasn’t made me happy.

Now I know , that if only I can let go of this insane craving for things to be “different,” then I will finally be happy.

***

As you may have noticed, I like to help people. So consult the handy guide below to find YOUR compulsive self-lie!

[there will be a $20 one-time charge if your compulsion is on the list. Whether this actually helps you or just ends up making things worse is NOT the fault of the company. No refunds.]

“If only I…

  • Made more money
  • Could make my artistic passions my career
  • Had a romantic partner
  • Had a (competent) business partner
  • Was just a little bit more attractive
  • Was, like, a LOT more attractive
  • Was popular
  • Was a movie star, yet humble about it
  • Lived somewhere else
  • Was more outgoing
  • Had a different personality that made people not hate me
  • Could travel the world
  • Jumped off this building

…then I would be happy!”

And before you ask, no. I’m not saying that none of these things should be pursued or might contribute to your overall satisfaction with life. And yes, you should quit your dumb job that you hate.

Trust me, no one’s more bummed than I am that happiness cannot be reduced to one factor. NO ONE.

A First Date With Death

I was talking with someone the other day, & showed them one of my Death Comics. They said it looked like a first date, and that no one would go on a second date with Death.

I was taken aback, considering how I have personally been on at least three or four dates with Death. Some of them went better than others, sure, but I know a number of people who are going steady with Death, to varied results.

Death is certainly not monogamous, and that’s probably a good thing, considering overpopulation.

The point is, some people reading this will know exactly what I’m talking about, others may not. One is not better than the other. If you are one of Death’s concubines, just know you don’t have to go all the way until you’re good and ready.

What is the Meaning of Life?

Step 1 – worry about the meaning of life

Step 2 – I forget

Step 3 – realize that time spent worrying about the meaning of life distracts from life itself

Step 4 – worry about that for a while

Step 5 – decide once and for all to focus on what really matters

Step 6 – worry about how soon you’ll slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 7 – slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 8 – on your deathbed, old and grizzled, realize you totally wasted your life searching for meaning.

 

I knew it.

Ever more people today have the means to live,
but no meaning to live for.

— Viktor Frankl

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Ah, well…

Nothing a cup of tea can’t fix.

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