The Adventures of Mark Anthony – Part ???

“In a Pickle”

***

“What’s wrong, Mark?” asked Anthony.

Mark sighed. “I’m in a pickle.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” said Anthony.

“Yes,” said Mark, “The company spliced my DNA with a Kosher Dill.”

“Oh so that’s what’s wrong with you.”

“A pickle is a small cucumber preserved in vinegar, brine, or a similar solution.”

“I know what a pickle is.”

Mark looked him deeply in the eyes. “Can you still love me, Anthony, warts and all?”

Anthony thought about it.

“Yeah, maybe.”

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I Had the Weirdest Dream Last Night…

In all fairness, compared to the typical unusual level of my dreams, last night’s was extremely tame.

I dreamed I was going to the hospital for important surgery, but on my way to the car I decided to head back into my house to grab a notebook and some more miso soup.

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Once inside— where I was suddenly a tavern worker— I decided to help myself to the soup on the table of this husband and wife. The soup was now bean soup for some reason.

As I was leaning over their table, helping myself, the woman stood up and accused me of hitting on her husband. I was shocked. Then she just kind of disappeared, and something fell into the pot I was ladling out of.

I asked her husband where she’d gone. He said she was a witch, and was now in the soup. If she was in the main soup pot on the table I was safe, but if she’d fallen into MY soup bowl and I ate it, she would kill me by burning all the flesh off of my body.

I knew that I probably shouldn’t take the chance, but I still kind of wanted to eat it, because it was really good soup.

As I was deciding what to do my cat jumped on my face and woke me up.

Job Interview

Job interviews are an always odd and usually unpleasant experience. Particularly if you’re not qualified to do anything except drink tea & complain.

 

I think this comic says it all.

On jobs, strange requirements for:

On Asking for a Raise

Quality Thought of the Day:

When asking for a raise, try to avoid certain word combinations, like:

“deep resentment”

and

“death of the soul”

 

How do I know this?

 

No reason.

A First Date With Death

I was talking with someone the other day, & showed them one of my Death Comics. They said it looked like a first date, and that no one would go on a second date with Death.

I was taken aback, considering how I have personally been on at least three or four dates with Death. Some of them went better than others, sure, but I know a number of people who are going steady with Death, to varied results.

Death is certainly not monogamous, and that’s probably a good thing, considering overpopulation.

The point is, some people reading this will know exactly what I’m talking about, others may not. One is not better than the other. If you are one of Death’s concubines, just know you don’t have to go all the way until you’re good and ready.

a HANDY tip

If you’re self-conscious about how unusually tiny your hands are, try carrying a kitten with you everywhere. Your hands will look large by comparison, and also you will have a kitten.

The Upside

Sometimes I worry what other people think of me. But it doesn’t matter, because no one will see this.

What is the Meaning of Life?

Step 1 – worry about the meaning of life

Step 2 – I forget

Step 3 – realize that time spent worrying about the meaning of life distracts from life itself

Step 4 – worry about that for a while

Step 5 – decide once and for all to focus on what really matters

Step 6 – worry about how soon you’ll slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 7 – slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 8 – on your deathbed, old and grizzled, realize you totally wasted your life searching for meaning.

 

I knew it.

Ever more people today have the means to live,
but no meaning to live for.

— Viktor Frankl

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Ah, well…

Nothing a cup of tea can’t fix.

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