The Magical Solution to Everything

And that’s when I realized: If I wanted to survive, I was going to have to do something drastic.

I was going to have to…lower my standards.

Now, for some people, this is not a good idea. Some people need to raise their standards. But if you’re anything like me, your standards are impossibly high and anxiety-producing.

Nothing I do is ever good enough. I make lists upon lists of things I have to do, but I practically have to force myself into making a list of things that I have accomplished or that I’m proud of.

Part of the reason for this is because my hand already hurts from writing and I would rather relax than make another bloody list. On the one hand, it makes sense. But on the other, if I actually do take the time to reflect on what I’ve done and the incredible amounts of time and effort it took, it really is impressive.

Do I find it impressive? No. I just keep thinking that I could have done it faster or better. I dwell on what I didn’t do, or how other people are doing what I’m doing much better.

…but lowering my standards? When your standard is perfection, you’ve got nowhere to go but down. And when you finally take one baby step down, things start looking up.

I believe this “lowering of standards ©” can work in practically every aspect of life: exercise, personal hygiene, what have you…

So feel free to be amazingly inspired by this post. I could write more, but I think this is good enough, don’t you?

Marry Me

I’ve been thinking for quite some time now what career path I should take. And I think I’ve finally cracked it:

I’ve always wanted to go into a creative field, but held myself back because it wasn’t ‘practical.’ I need safety. I need security. And the arts, um…don’t give you that.

That’s why I’ve decided the obvious answer is to marry somebody either up-and-coming as a doctor or lawyer, or someone who’s already super rich.

“Gold digger” has such negative connotations…but yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

I’m not picky, though. I’d settle for a producer at a major production company or maybe a movie star. Someone who loves me for me and also doesn’t mind me doing exactly as I please while they support me.

So if anyone knows a human-person who matches this description and is looking for a not-so-attractive, depressive type who doesn’t like to socialize or have sex, tell them to call me.

My Latest Ingenious Idea

I’ve been feeling absolutely terrible lately! And then I realized something…

  1. I thought I had to make art in a particular way
  2. I thought I could only make art when I was inspired
  3. I thought my anxiety, depression, and indecisiveness was getting in my way

And that’s when it hit me: make art about it! If I feel like I can’t get out of bed in the morning…make a comic about it.  If I’m struggling with feelings of inadequacy, write a terrible poem about it! The worse I feel, the more likely something interesting will come out of it, and the more people will relate to it, because everyone’s just a mess pretending to be an adult with her/their/his shit together.

I know this is perhaps the most obvious idea in the world, but I’m taking full credit for it.

It turned my worst days and moments into something interesting. Unfortunately, this idea made me happy, and everyone knows you can’t make art when you’re happy, so I’m screwed.

I Haven’t Been Writing

Is rejection difficult? Duh.

And if you’re anything like me, after being rejected, you feel like your Rejectors are standing just behind you, looking over your shoulder as you write (or paint or juggle…), watching your every word and criticizing it.

Not just criticizing, though…laughing at you. Laughing at you with their successful friends and colleagues for thinking you should bother spending even another second trying to create something.

I was trying to stretch. Challenge myself. Put myself out there. Most unfortunately, I don’t regret it. Which means I’ll have to do it again. And again. Until I disintegrate into salt and dust because of all the rejection. And the laughing and pointing.

Ok, so I’m feeling mixed about it.

calvin-and-hobbes-write-what-you-know_orig

What I had to do, was bravely take a break. I had to acknowledge that I was hurting, acknowledge that I was shutting down so I didn’t have to feel it. Depending on who you are and how you work, sometimes it’s best to get right back on the horse.

But I know myself well enough to know I had to be gentle. So I took a break, and I grieved.

And…as of one week ago, I got the call again. The I can’t help it I miss my characters I miss writing I can’t help it I’m just the tiniest bit inspired call.

I reminded myself that those who’ve read my writing and didn’t like it, most likely forgot about both it and me just as soon as they put it down. For some, that would be the opposite of encouraging, but for me, it allows me once more to “write with the door closed.”

And finally, finally, those annoying people leaning over my shoulder go away. And I get to write in peace for a bit. Yesterday I wrote a scene with a bunch of boys playing cards. Nothing groundbreaking. But I still wrote it.

And it was fun.

You Can Do Art

Cultivate your love for art by investing in supplies. Specifically, paper and a pencil. Ok, so maybe a 3-D printer or a light-box would be your idea tool, but until you can afford that, go for the paper and pen(cil).

If you can’t afford paper, steal napkins from your local coffee shop. If you can’t afford pens, go to free evens and accept their complimentary pens with the company logo.

Basically, do art no matter what. And don’t let someone else tell you you’re not talented, don’t have time, or that only llamas can draw. More importantly, don’t let yourself tell you that.

Have fun!

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