I Had the Weirdest Dream Last Night…

In all fairness, compared to the typical unusual level of my dreams, last night’s was extremely tame.

I dreamed I was going to the hospital for important surgery, but on my way to the car I decided to head back into my house to grab a notebook and some more miso soup.

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Once inside— where I was suddenly a tavern worker— I decided to help myself to the soup on the table of this husband and wife. The soup was now bean soup for some reason.

As I was leaning over their table, helping myself, the woman stood up and accused me of hitting on her husband. I was shocked. Then she just kind of disappeared, and something fell into the pot I was ladling out of.

I asked her husband where she’d gone. He said she was a witch, and was now in the soup. If she was in the main soup pot on the table I was safe, but if she’d fallen into MY soup bowl and I ate it, she would kill me by burning all the flesh off of my body.

I knew that I probably shouldn’t take the chance, but I still kind of wanted to eat it, because it was really good soup.

As I was deciding what to do my cat jumped on my face and woke me up.

The Final Bow:

Sometimes you don’t exit on a high note:

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To quote from Monty Python:

“Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ’em laughin’ as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!”

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part XII]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark and Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing, they always ate scones together on Saturdays. Unfortunately, this particular scone was stale and had a slightly bitter aftertaste. What’s more, Anthony reMARKed on how the whipped cream on his hot chocolate tasted like the milk was just slightly overdone.

 

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Agatha

Two perfectly normal people having a perfectly normal conversation:

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

Joe and Harry sit on a bench together, watching the trains go by. Joe eats a tuna sandwich and Harry holds a large mug full of coffee.

A train whistle sounds.

HARRY: Why does a train whistle when it’s coming into the station?

JOE: I suppose so people will know it’s there.

Harry sips his coffee.

HARRY: Kind of hard to miss.

JOE: I married Agatha on a train. We fell over a lot.

HARRY: It’s too bad that didn’t last.

JOE: But then I met Ruth.

HARRY: Things like that never do.

JOE: And we never rode the train.

HARRY: I always liked Agatha.

JOE: You mean Ruth.

HARRY: No, I mean Agatha. I love her. We’re getting married.

JOE: (looks at Harry) Where?

HARRY: In a church.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part XI]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

“Mark,” said Anthony, “Why do I feel so alone?”

“Beats me,” said Mark, “I feel fine.”

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