I Had the Weirdest Dream Last Night…

In all fairness, compared to the typical unusual level of my dreams, last night’s was extremely tame.

I dreamed I was going to the hospital for important surgery, but on my way to the car I decided to head back into my house to grab a notebook and some more miso soup.

Vegetable-Miso-Soup-w600-500x400.jpg

Once inside— where I was suddenly a tavern worker— I decided to help myself to the soup on the table of this husband and wife. The soup was now bean soup for some reason.

As I was leaning over their table, helping myself, the woman stood up and accused me of hitting on her husband. I was shocked. Then she just kind of disappeared, and something fell into the pot I was ladling out of.

I asked her husband where she’d gone. He said she was a witch, and was now in the soup. If she was in the main soup pot on the table I was safe, but if she’d fallen into MY soup bowl and I ate it, she would kill me by burning all the flesh off of my body.

I knew that I probably shouldn’t take the chance, but I still kind of wanted to eat it, because it was really good soup.

As I was deciding what to do my cat jumped on my face and woke me up.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part XII]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark and Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing, they always ate scones together on Saturdays. Unfortunately, this particular scone was stale and had a slightly bitter aftertaste. What’s more, Anthony reMARKed on how the whipped cream on his hot chocolate tasted like the milk was just slightly overdone.

 

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Agatha

Two perfectly normal people having a perfectly normal conversation:

EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

Joe and Harry sit on a bench together, watching the trains go by. Joe eats a tuna sandwich and Harry holds a large mug full of coffee.

A train whistle sounds.

HARRY: Why does a train whistle when it’s coming into the station?

JOE: I suppose so people will know it’s there.

Harry sips his coffee.

HARRY: Kind of hard to miss.

JOE: I married Agatha on a train. We fell over a lot.

HARRY: It’s too bad that didn’t last.

JOE: But then I met Ruth.

HARRY: Things like that never do.

JOE: And we never rode the train.

HARRY: I always liked Agatha.

JOE: You mean Ruth.

HARRY: No, I mean Agatha. I love her. We’re getting married.

JOE: (looks at Harry) Where?

HARRY: In a church.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part XI]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

“Mark,” said Anthony, “Why do I feel so alone?”

“Beats me,” said Mark, “I feel fine.”

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part X]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

“Anthony?” said Mark, “Are you dead?”

“Yes,” said Anthony, “But it’s alright. I live…in you.”

“But Anthony,” said Mark, “I’m dead.”

“That’s ok,” said Anthony, “You live on…in me.”

“But Anthony,” and Mark, “We can’t both live on if we’re both dead. And living on only counts if someone alive remembers you.”

“Well, that just doesn’t sound right,” said Anthony.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part IX]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark Anthony were in love. They were also friends. The best of friends. They even went to court about it. The judge ruled them ‘The very best of friends.’

“Didn’t we start that trial to fight the injustice of sidewalk cracks with no warning signs?” asked Anthony.

“Yes. Yes we did,” said Mark.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part VIII]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing, Mark Anthony were similar in many ways, but also very different. Mark enjoyed a quiet day on the beach. After he did that, he turned to Anthony—who had also enjoyed a quiet day on the beach—and informed him that he believed the two of them were similar in many ways, but also very different.

Anthony agreed without the slightest hesitation. They conversed for a while longer, and then Mark said he was ready to leave. “I am too,” said Anthony.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part VII]

note: this special post is dedicated to Any Name Here. Happy Birthday!!

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing, Mark always remembered when it was Anthony’s birthday. And Anthony always remembered to ‘mark’ the calendar for the third week in August, as that was their annual ‘Pepper-Spray Day.’ The festivities were rampant. Mark did not celebrate his birthday.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part VI]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark Anthony were sitting together on a bench, watching the sun set. Anthony was leaning against the back-part of the bench, Mark was leaning against Anthony.

“Tell me something I don’t know, Anthony,” said Mark.

“You’re gay.”

Mark was bemused enough to lift his head.

“What?” said Mark.

“That’s right,” said Anthony.

“Oh,” said Mark. “Do I like you?”

“Yes,” said Anthony.

“Oh. Ok, then,” said Mark.

And he put his head-weight back against Anthony.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part IV]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark sat on a sofa, reading his favorite book. Anthony sat across from him, reading his second-favorite book. He couldn’t read his first-favorite because Mark had it. After a while he sighed, and put his book down.

“Mark?” he asked in a forlorn tone.

“Yes?” came a reply from behind the pages.

“I’ve been feeling sad lately.”

Mark put down his book to give Anthony his full concentration.

“You talk and I’ll listen,” he said.

“That is just what I wanted,” smiled Anthony, and began his sad tale. “I was walking home yesterday and it was really cold. And it made me feel sad. Really, really sad. It also made me feel cold. Plus, I am at that point in learning to juggle when I’m getting worse rather than better.”

Mark solemnly nodded his head to socially signal he understood, but did not interrupt Anthony.

“I have so many things that I need to remember that I make list after list until I can’t remember where I put the most recent one and start doing things that became irrelevant a month ago but I never crossed off. I fear that my excessive list-making will make my memory worse, but if I don’t make them, I forget things! If there is something I must remember and I think when I get home, I’ll put that on my list, when I get home that thought has flown the coop like a lone turtle. It has also become an obsession of mine to write down trivial tasks or things I have already done just so I can cross them off.”

That being said, he leaned forward, pulled a small piece of paper out of his bag, and crossed off Talk to Mark about List-making Problem.

“Anyway,” he said, “I can’t talk anymore. I have things to do.”

“I understand,” said Mark.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part III]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark Anthony were the best of friends. Literally. No one was better at being friends than them. They made sure of it, because they were very competitive. Actually, only Mark was competitive. Anthony wasn’t. But they thought that was good, because they balanced each other out.

One day, Anthony was writing a short story for his class Unicorns & Disasters, but he was having trouble thinking of something to write about, except maybe Noah’s Ark. But that is used up, he thought.

Mark sensed that Anthony was struggling, so he walked over. This took a while, as Mark had been at the the local Farmers Market, and it was four miles away from Anthony’s house. He arrived out of breath—but thankfully still with purpose—for Anthony hadn’t thought of a single inspired idea the entire time.

“Anthony old pal, how can I help?”

“Well,” said Anthony, “You can help me by helping me.”

“Okay,” said Mark, “What are you writing about?”

“I don’t know,” said Anthony, “That’s the issue.”

“Hear me out…” said Mark, “What if…it was NOT an issue?”

“Good plan,” said Anthony, and set to work straight away. He wrote about how Unicorns are almost certain to be a cause of Disaster because of those silly pokey-things sticking out of their heads.

If you see a Unicorn, Anthony concluded, do not run straight towards it.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part II]

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing…

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

***

Mark Anthony were the best of friends in many ways. For one thing, they always introduced each other that way.

“Hi, I’m Anthony, and this is my best friend Mark,” for example, was something that Anthony might say.

“Hi, I’m Mark, and this is my best friend Anthony,” to give a second example, was something which was often said by Mark.

Even though they already knew they were the best of friends, the constant repetition of the fact made it register in the subconscious of everyone they knew. Mark Anthony felt successful, because—being social animals—the acceptance of others gave them a warm, fuzzy feeling.

The Adventures of Mark Anthony [part I]

sidenote: this has no point. You don’t have to read it, either. You could just walk away now. We’ll both be happier. Just walk away…

***

      Cast:

MARK: Anthony’s best friend

ANTHONY: Mark’s best friend

I am going to tell you a story now. It is a short story of tragedy and of wonder. And of two men—-both very short, both very wondrous.

They would go on adventures together. One always before the other, for how can you go on two adventures at once?

We begin with Mark Anthony sitting at a table doing nothing.

“What wonders shall befall us today, dear friend?” asked Anthony.

“I don’t know Anthony,” said Mark.

And they sat and they wondered what wondrous things were surely about to happen to them. But nothing happened that entire day, and they were disappointed.

Mark Anthony walked in rain together, feeling sad. At the train station they parted ways, for Anthony lived 300,000 miles south-east from his friend, who lived in the Grunchan Town Harbor Village.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, old pal!” shouted Anthony as the train began to pick up speed.

“Come no later than five, dear friend!”

“I’ll be there!”

Mark turned away from the platform. He and Anthony had been friends for longer than he could remember.

So long, in fact, that when referring to the two of them, people no longer bothered placing an ‘and’ between their names. Why, he had been only 27 when Anthony had first knocked on his door, wondering where the Milk Festival was taking place that year.

At least, Anthony had told him that was when they’d met, but Mark could never be sure that it was true.

His first recollection of Anthony was when he was 37 and living in Denmark. But he’d suffered severe head trauma on his 37th birthday when he was hit by a train, and could remember nothing that had happened before that time.

Because of this, Mark could truthfully say that he had known Anthony for longer than he could remember. But ever since that faithful day Mark had nursed a rational fear of trains, which was why Anthony made the commute to visit every morning and evening, instead of switching off who traveled (as some people would have thought common sense).

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