What are you AIMING for?

In a realistic portrait art class, this wouldn’t fly:

Realistic Portrait

Grade: F+

In a draw-something-in-three-seconds-which-looks-semi-human-but-also-kind-of-like-a-duck class, I’d do fairy well.

Grade: B – –

But I love that little guy. I feel an emotional attachment to him. Does he have arms? No. Does that matter? Hell no.

Keep on rockin’

Marry Me

I’ve been thinking for quite some time now what career path I should take. And I think I’ve finally cracked it:

I’ve always wanted to go into a creative field, but held myself back because it wasn’t ‘practical.’ I need safety. I need security. And the arts, um…don’t give you that.

That’s why I’ve decided the obvious answer is to marry somebody either up-and-coming as a doctor or lawyer, or someone who’s already super rich.

“Gold digger” has such negative connotations…but yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

I’m not picky, though. I’d settle for a producer at a major production company or maybe a movie star. Someone who loves me for me and also doesn’t mind me doing exactly as I please while they support me.

So if anyone knows a human-person who matches this description and is looking for a not-so-attractive, depressive type who doesn’t like to socialize or have sex, tell them to call me.

If I just…

This is a conundrum of mine. I’m always convinced that if just one thing in my life were different, then I would be happy. Ok, so sometimes there are a lot of things, but there’s usually one BIG thing. Something you’re stuck on.

And I know this system doesn’t work, because I have repeatedly achieved (or been handed on a silver platter) the thing I was desiring, and for some reason, it hasn’t made me happy.

Now I know , that if only I can let go of this insane craving for things to be “different,” then I will finally be happy.

***

As you may have noticed, I like to help people. So consult the handy guide below to find YOUR compulsive self-lie!

[there will be a $20 one-time charge if your compulsion is on the list. Whether this actually helps you or just ends up making things worse is NOT the fault of the company. No refunds.]

“If only I…

  • Made more money
  • Could make my artistic passions my career
  • Had a romantic partner
  • Had a (competent) business partner
  • Was just a little bit more attractive
  • Was, like, a LOT more attractive
  • Was popular
  • Was a movie star, yet humble about it
  • Lived somewhere else
  • Was more outgoing
  • Had a different personality that made people not hate me
  • Could travel the world
  • Jumped off this building

…then I would be happy!”

And before you ask, no. I’m not saying that none of these things should be pursued or might contribute to your overall satisfaction with life. And yes, you should quit your dumb job that you hate.

Trust me, no one’s more bummed than I am that happiness cannot be reduced to one factor. NO ONE.

At Some Point…

…during life, one must ask the question “If, in fact, the external world is utterly meaningless, is the personal meaning we attribute to things enough?”

But this question inevitably leads to even pokier ones, including: “If we happen to discover this inherent meaninglessness, is it preferable to laugh or cry?” and, “If one does not get around to asking this question in life, is it worth doing so after death, or best left alone?”

What is the Meaning of Life?

Step 1 – worry about the meaning of life

Step 2 – I forget

Step 3 – realize that time spent worrying about the meaning of life distracts from life itself

Step 4 – worry about that for a while

Step 5 – decide once and for all to focus on what really matters

Step 6 – worry about how soon you’ll slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 7 – slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 8 – on your deathbed, old and grizzled, realize you totally wasted your life searching for meaning.

 

I knew it.

Ever more people today have the means to live,
but no meaning to live for.

— Viktor Frankl

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Ah, well…

Nothing a cup of tea can’t fix.

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