Marry Me

I’ve been thinking for quite some time now what career path I should take. And I think I’ve finally cracked it:

I’ve always wanted to go into a creative field, but held myself back because it wasn’t ‘practical.’ I need safety. I need security. And the arts, um…don’t give you that.

That’s why I’ve decided the obvious answer is to marry somebody either up-and-coming as a doctor or lawyer, or someone who’s already super rich.

“Gold digger” has such negative connotations…but yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

I’m not picky, though. I’d settle for a producer at a major production company or maybe a movie star. Someone who loves me for me and also doesn’t mind me doing exactly as I please while they support me.

So if anyone knows a human-person who matches this description and is looking for a not-so-attractive, depressive type who doesn’t like to socialize or have sex, tell them to call me.

I Haven’t Been Writing

Is rejection difficult? Duh.

And if you’re anything like me, after being rejected, you feel like your Rejectors are standing just behind you, looking over your shoulder as you write (or paint or juggle…), watching your every word and criticizing it.

Not just criticizing, though…laughing at you. Laughing at you with their successful friends and colleagues for thinking you should bother spending even another second trying to create something.

I was trying to stretch. Challenge myself. Put myself out there. Most unfortunately, I don’t regret it. Which means I’ll have to do it again. And again. Until I disintegrate into salt and dust because of all the rejection. And the laughing and pointing.

Ok, so I’m feeling mixed about it.

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What I had to do, was bravely take a break. I had to acknowledge that I was hurting, acknowledge that I was shutting down so I didn’t have to feel it. Depending on who you are and how you work, sometimes it’s best to get right back on the horse.

But I know myself well enough to know I had to be gentle. So I took a break, and I grieved.

And…as of one week ago, I got the call again. The I can’t help it I miss my characters I miss writing I can’t help it I’m just the tiniest bit inspired call.

I reminded myself that those who’ve read my writing and didn’t like it, most likely forgot about both it and me just as soon as they put it down. For some, that would be the opposite of encouraging, but for me, it allows me once more to “write with the door closed.”

And finally, finally, those annoying people leaning over my shoulder go away. And I get to write in peace for a bit. Yesterday I wrote a scene with a bunch of boys playing cards. Nothing groundbreaking. But I still wrote it.

And it was fun.

If I just…

This is a conundrum of mine. I’m always convinced that if just one thing in my life were different, then I would be happy. Ok, so sometimes there are a lot of things, but there’s usually one BIG thing. Something you’re stuck on.

And I know this system doesn’t work, because I have repeatedly achieved (or been handed on a silver platter) the thing I was desiring, and for some reason, it hasn’t made me happy.

Now I know , that if only I can let go of this insane craving for things to be “different,” then I will finally be happy.

***

As you may have noticed, I like to help people. So consult the handy guide below to find YOUR compulsive self-lie!

[there will be a $20 one-time charge if your compulsion is on the list. Whether this actually helps you or just ends up making things worse is NOT the fault of the company. No refunds.]

“If only I…

  • Made more money
  • Could make my artistic passions my career
  • Had a romantic partner
  • Had a (competent) business partner
  • Was just a little bit more attractive
  • Was, like, a LOT more attractive
  • Was popular
  • Was a movie star, yet humble about it
  • Lived somewhere else
  • Was more outgoing
  • Had a different personality that made people not hate me
  • Could travel the world
  • Jumped off this building

…then I would be happy!”

And before you ask, no. I’m not saying that none of these things should be pursued or might contribute to your overall satisfaction with life. And yes, you should quit your dumb job that you hate.

Trust me, no one’s more bummed than I am that happiness cannot be reduced to one factor. NO ONE.

A First Date With Death

I was talking with someone the other day, & showed them one of my Death Comics. They said it looked like a first date, and that no one would go on a second date with Death.

I was taken aback, considering how I have personally been on at least three or four dates with Death. Some of them went better than others, sure, but I know a number of people who are going steady with Death, to varied results.

Death is certainly not monogamous, and that’s probably a good thing, considering overpopulation.

The point is, some people reading this will know exactly what I’m talking about, others may not. One is not better than the other. If you are one of Death’s concubines, just know you don’t have to go all the way until you’re good and ready.

a HANDY tip

If you’re self-conscious about how unusually tiny your hands are, try carrying a kitten with you everywhere. Your hands will look large by comparison, and also you will have a kitten.

A Great Idea

I’ve taken up the habit of replacing the word ‘opinion’ with ‘uninformed idea.’

…when referring to other people, of course.

For some reason, it bothers them.

What is the Meaning of Life?

Step 1 – worry about the meaning of life

Step 2 – I forget

Step 3 – realize that time spent worrying about the meaning of life distracts from life itself

Step 4 – worry about that for a while

Step 5 – decide once and for all to focus on what really matters

Step 6 – worry about how soon you’ll slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 7 – slip back into your old patterns of worry

Step 8 – on your deathbed, old and grizzled, realize you totally wasted your life searching for meaning.

 

I knew it.

Ever more people today have the means to live,
but no meaning to live for.

— Viktor Frankl

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Ah, well…

Nothing a cup of tea can’t fix.

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